I never wanted to make this blog about me. I mean its nice to have some sort of a directional point of view and I always thought on expressing with a more social conscience. However as you are hearing ( or reading, whichever seems to work better for you, if anyone does or will ever read this), tonight it is and shall be about I,I,I.
Me.
I will admit, I have neglected this blog. Just as I seem to "neglect" a lot of things in me life. My buddette says I'm just so easily distracted aka all over the bloody place. I realise i am always 199% in one moment, that everything else may go to waste. But that is me, so god damn bloody focused when it comes to something I want and must have. Infected with daddy-lets-me-have-whatever-i-want syndrome, will someone out there offer up THE CURE?
Yet my heart has been infested with the "we can always make things better, so how shall we?". I always need to make you happy.
hmm a little give and take. Maybe this equation is not so bad after all. Maybe I should just keep wanting to make things good and people happy and hey, no one can fault me. Of course, the logical conclusion for the shameless people pleaser that inhabits my shallow skin. Who am I kidding, I just want you to love me. So afraid of being the passed over, the forgotten and the ditched to the side, hiding in a corner yet begging to be noticed, doesn't matter by who. Perhaps it is more reinforcing when you are picked out of the shadows, really makes you feel like THE ONE
Maybe I miss him and I want him because he gave me that high. He made me feel like THE ONE. Maybe I tell myself I am so in love with him because I am just chasing that adrenalin rush again, that whirling feeling of the world really just revolving around ME. Maybe?
I need a crash course in Vegas 101, because calculating my odds still leaves so many possibilities. I guess for now, at least I know what I want. So maybe it's just about how to go and get it.
